LEAP INTO 2024! NEW YEAR'S SALE

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A True Story

The Adventure of a Lifetime—Mine!
Leave Your Ordinary World, Take a Spin on the Wheel of Life, Attend the World's First Academy Where You Can Learn Truly Anything, Launch Your Career, Retire & Thrive—Whoever You Are, Kid, Teen, Adult or Senior,
It's Time to Give Yourself, Your Family & Friends, the Gift of a Lifetime!
It's Time to Live Your Life.
Every now and then, a life comes around that is too good to keep under wraps. This person has lived, and dreamed, and done, incredible things. This is the kind of person who, walking by, positively radiates peace, joy, and drive. They create a happier world with every heartbeat. You look at them and say, "Wow. Now, this person has truly lived." And—I'd like to take that car for a ride!"
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This person is you. And wherever you are now—in the womb, a small child, a tween, a teen, an adult, a senior citizen, who wants to leave a lasting legacy—I am here to tell you, you have so much more to give than you've ever realized.
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And life—your life—a journey to the past, present, and future—is the most spectacular thing, and the greatest gift I could give.
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So don't be afraid. Put the pedal to the metal, and trace your own fantastic timeline.
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Let's ride.
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$3651
WE'VE PUT ON EVENTS FOR THE INDUSTRY'S BEST






Life Is Not a Game to Be Played.
Because it's way, way, WAY better than that. You don't want to go living your life as though you were just a board or video game player. A side bit in some Pixar, or "indie" auteur film, or Disney movie, who might hear their voice off screen, and then slowly creep into the frame, and deliver one eminently forgettable line.
You want to be the central character. You want to be the dice-roller. You want to deliver the unforgettable line.
You want to go down in history. You're tired of laying low. There are all these dreams you've had, places you've wanted to go, things deep in your soul, you've just wanted to know.
Or maybe you just wish you had more time.
Time to go back and learn the things you never learned at school, time to make amends to long-lost friends, say that really clever thing you wish you'd said.
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Maybe you want to be a kid again. Experience that first blush, first crush, first butterflies.
Maybe you're 5. Or 50. Or 105, craving the last great thrill of your life.
Because, baby, as long as we're still alive, we're gonna ride high.
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Presented by Austin Diamond,
Founder & CMEO at Me™
As a starry-eyed kid with a Dad who worked for Disney, I grew up in the City of Angels, in the worlds of event planning and soul-awakening global travel. I found my great love of story from a Mom who spent her days telling stories, whether on the stage, or giving award-winning speeches for the state of Kentucky, and came to LA when she was a young adult. What I found, growing up, is that I had several big dreams: to be a scientist, an artist, a teacher, an astronaut, a doctor, an athlete, a big-wig author, standing on the stage, giving a speech—but I discovered, standing on that stage, that my greatest love was helping others find their own story. (And give them incredible experiences they'd be talking about for the rest of their lives.) And in doing so, achieve the wildest dream I had, which humanity has been working toward since the dawn of history: achieve world peace, once and for all, by sharing the incredible stories that define us, and give every person the tools they need to live their richest, fullest, freedom-filled, joyful and laughter-filled life.
"Austin, we've shared a full year of incredible moments together. These moments of sharing made the year a joy. You are precious!"
- Lonnie, 79

"Austin has been our teacher for over a year now. He teaches my 11 year old who is quite advanced, my 10 year old who is very 'special' with her choices, my 6 year old who is just beginning to learn, and my 3 year old rambunctious toddler.
- Marisol, 41

I love how Austin is able to to accommodate all our different learning styles from beginner to most advanced and manages to make learning fun and interactive. He's great encouraging us to pursue our loves in our own individual ways.
We've blossomed."
"I just wanted to congratulate you. I know the feeling of 'I gotta crack this kid if it's the last thing I do.'"
- Damon, 37, Head Mentor with Young Storytellers, 501(c)(3), sponsored by Disney, NBC Universal, Hasbro, Warner Bros. Discovery

"You were extremely beneficial. I noticed a big increase in personal confidence. Your energy was healthy and honest. Take a look and let me know if you can swing it, hope you can! Here's my spring schedule!!!"
Features
Your every experience has been me-ticulously planned. From the moment you receive your first storyteller's guide in the email, to lift-off, to landing, to every single day of your incredible trip, each and every one of you is treated to the incredible VIP experience—your MEVP—helping you to unleash your epic self.
What Everyone Gets
Each day you receive:



How it Works - The Me Perspective™
The entire Adventure of a Lifetime™ takes you from where you are, and re-ignites your childhood spirit. Over the course of the program, you will get to re-live (coming from an adult perspective) your young first experiences, such as stepping into school for the first time in a long time, or perhaps for the first time (if you've never had the thrill of experiencing this), your first classes, first rush of growing up through elementary and junior high school, that strange thing called adolescence—first crush, first kiss. The program is segmented so you can choose your exact stopping point. After all, if you're a 7-year-old (or a 7-year-old's parent), you might not want to be reading about a first kiss. I believe in specialization and customization, and meeting you exactly where you are.
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On the other hand, if you've already reached adulthood, or let's say, are starting to grow (or lose) some gray hairs in unexpected places, I encourage you not to rush through with the thought of reaching a certain milestone or destination. Or think something is too childish. You will find that it truly is all about the journey. We all were children once. A lifetime is cumulative. Everything has been me-ticulously crafted, over the course of hundreds of thousands of hours, and many, many students—read through this, and know that from your first creative stab, you'll reach high school, university, a thriving career, getting married, and eventually proud senior citizenship. And a life well-lived. Here is the brief month-to-month snapshot, (as you read through the bird's eye view, the names will become more clear) with the general age divisions:
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JOY - Starting Point | Early Childhood
AWE - Early Childhood
STEP - Kindergarten/Early Elementary
CLOCK - Early Elementary
NOW - Early Elementary/Middle Elementary
DEEZ - Middle Elementary
NEW - Late Elementary
FRUE - Junior High
QUARCH - High School
SPRING BREAK - High School
SPRILL - New Adult (University)
MAY - Adult/Middle-Age/Senior/End-of-Life
JUNE - Rebirth
JOY - Starting Point & Conclusion
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And just in case you're impatient, I've put here some handy-dandy links to skip through to each segment.
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Or, if you're already ready to book the greatest thing you've ever done in your life, and might ever you do in your life—here is your magic button below, there for you, big and bright. :)
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Just remember: One Year. 365 Transformative Days.
What kind of value do you put on your Life? :)
We enter from different stages of our life. Why should every story be the same?

FORGET THE "INDUSTRY'S BESTS"—
YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST LIFE.
YOU ARE THE GAME YOU'RE GOING TO WIN.








The Bird's Eye View - Your Perfect Life™ Itinerary
Get ready for the adventure of a lifetime. This is the course every person follows, on the roller coaster ride that takes us through this wonderful thing we call life. You will live the life of a child, grow up to incredible heights, wind peacefully down and spring up again with brand new eyes. Your journey begins with a bang! The Discover-Me Retreat, where you tap back in to your creativity in the form of a 'round-the-world island retreat. From there, your story officially begins in the month of JOY, following an outrageous any-time birthday party, as you receive your very first diary.

The Discovery Retreat: You, Unleashed
From the Moment You Sign Up...You Know This Is Different
01
Welcome to Paradise!
It's time to Celebrate YOU!
Celebrations are in order! You've just committed to set sail on your grand adventure. If that voice inside is whispering, "It all seems too good to be true!"—you will quickly discover that the best things in Life, are absolutely, TRUE. In the days leading up to departure, you'll receive a series of onboarding emails, packed with storywriting tips and information about the various sights we'll be seeing to prep you for your amazing experience.
02
Meet Your Fellow Travelers: The Member "Ship"
Part of the joy in traveling is meeting new people. After signing up for your Me: A True Story experience, you'll get to meet your fellow travelers on your cruise ship. I can tell you after years of traveling on Royal Caribbean, Viking, Princess & Celebrity Cruises, the best part of the cruise experience is being able to share your daily adventures at the dining room table coming back home from a fulfilling day. The difference? Here the seating is unlimited.
03
From Pipe Dream to Published
Over the course of your discovery retreat, you'll learn to release your creativity, begin your bestseller, master your miraculous middle, exhilarate your ending, revel in revision, package to perfection, and choose your publishing path: taking it to the Big 4 in New York to traditionally publish, or taking it door to door and heart to heart, choosing yourself!
04
LAUNCH Party!
And Return Home!
Celebrate with your community in the culminating launch party. Gather praise and testimonials. Your pilot returns you safe and sound, back home. After a month to reflect and enjoy your new exciting life, your Adventure of a Lifetime can officially begin—you've entered your first month of JOY now!
A Note: Keep in mind that everything you read above and below is just a brief outline. If you think it all sounds too be good to true...
you're about to experience life 100x richer than you can even imagine right now.
YOUR HAPPINESS IS 100% GUARANTEED!

JOY!
Start Where You Are! Young, Middle-Aged, or Old,
This Is Where the Life You've Always Dreamed Starts!
Stage of Life: Where You Are
01
The Ordinary World
Welcome back to the Real World! Having returned from your Discovery Retreat, it's time to re-integrate into your daily life. Be led hand in hand through one "Extra Ordinary" Week, finding the marvels in your everyday life. If you're a kid, meet your new best friends, and you create the greatest story ever told! There's Yu from Asia, Wish from India, Bumba from Africa, all representing real mythological characters. You'll get to go from "Zero to Hero", starting off like all the best movies. Each day gives you something new to learn about yourself and the world—from reclaiming your mundane Monday, to taking back your Tuesday, to getting over "Hump Day" — to crafting the best fresh-squeeze lemonade on "Thirst Day," to quickly diving in, or rather, climbing your family tree—to spend as much or little time on as you please. Meet your new best friends: Ava & Lucy, as well as new friends from other countries. Get your "Random Ally" atlas, which guides you from home, to neighborhood, to city.
03
The Call to Adventure
Sunday has arrived. Return to a home-cooked dinner, or maybe take-out (Russian, Gujarati, Yoruban, Chinese?) Turn on your TV, have soe fun—the Game of Life, anyone?—slip on your slippers, awaiting the return of the busy week, slipping back into your established routine...or so you think. Here at Me, we're always working behind the scenes, dialing up incredible experiences. For some curious reason, you've just received your Call to Adventure—yes, the phone has started ringing.
02
The City of Dreams
Too often, by the time you get to Friday, it feels like "Fried Day," and you're too tired to do anything. It's time to cook up some fun! Step to the end the sidewalk, and imagine your City of Dreams—whether you come from Paris, Tokyo, or LA, this is the place where your whole word congregates. Grab a "hero sandwich" via subway, change your school and workplace for the better, meet the mayor, romp in a colorful parade on a raucous Saturday with your entire community, throw an after-party! Go from city, to county, to state. This is your world you live in. This is the new world you're going to create.
04
Breaking News
How many times do we turn on the TV, or flip open the paper, or scroll down our news feed, to see those dreaded lines—BREAKING NEWS? How many times do we wait for a miracle to happen—for the news to actually be GOOD NEWS? Well, you get to be the hero today. Attend a global summit and rub shoulders with presidents, prime ministers, and emperors. Watch Paradise appear, a mysterious isle in a commercial...it's getting late now.
05
Bedtime
06
The Solution
As you slip into your PJs, you realize you can't sleep. There are so many things coursing through your head—who am I? What is my place in the world? Will the world, for me and my children, always seem so bad?
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You'll walk out under the stars, looking up at the heavens, waiting for a miracle to happen. You'll trace the constellations with our star charts, and re-connect with your ancestors, giving you the strength you never knew you had.
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And then, peacefully, you'll slip back into bed.
You wake up the next morning to discover a very curious thing has happened.
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You have a Dream—and you believe it! Everything is clear for the first time in what seems like at least a day...a week...a month...perhaps longer than you'd care to dote on.
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You realize you are the Missing Link.
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You feel inspired. Excited. Full of irrepressible Joy at what is about to happen.

AWE
Re-Connect With Your Forgotten World
Stage of Life: Growing Up (Or Down)
01
The Greatest Story Ever Told
Perhaps you've heard about the so-called "Greatest Story Ever Told." Well, the Greatest Story is YOUR story. And it's time to share it, with those you know and love most. It's time to realize that all your big ambitions are going to come true—billboards, Broadway shows, movies, bestsellers, worldwide celebrity and acclaim—you look at what you've written so far and realize "DANG! I'M GOOD!" It's what all the great writers, all the great people have always felt in their soul. That is, until coming back at the end of the day, you realize what you've just written absolutely stinks. And you're stuck with a horrible feeling of self-doubt.
03
Meet Your Mentor
02
The Worst Story Ever
This, too, is what all the great people throughout life, and history have felt. It's probably what you've always felt. We all go through these cycles of self-doubt. You'll experience this cycle of emotions, from a beautiful sunny day to waking up with increasing mist and rain, take a walk down in the dumps, feel dull and deadened in the doldrums, and write a letter to that mysterious isle you saw in the commercials—that island retreat that you discovered, and wished oh-so-powerfully it could be real. And one night, with a horrible hurricane blowing and seeming to rip through your haunted house, it will take away the things you care most about.
04
The Next Morning
The next day, a strange wind blows. It's time to meet your coach. Lucky comes from the Real Land, and can grant you three wishes: don't be shy. Here at Me, when you wish for something, know it will be granted. Your coach will take you out from your house and into your neighborhood, into your community, into the valley in what seems like a dream. You'll get to go to Ireland, where you discover that the doldrums you run into in your life are really the sounds of a mighty ancient heartbeat. You'll clarify your initial dream, create a logo, a map to this outrageous vision, this lasting peace. You'll re-enter the theme park, and watching the fireworks go off like it's the very best day of your life, fall into a beautiful sleep.
Too bad—it was just a dream.
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But dreams don't die easy.
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The next morning, you'll hear a rumble. It may sound like your garbage truck coming up the street. It could be the big earthquake you've been both fearing and looking forward to in your life. It's time to take the great leap.
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That letter you've written—it's come back now, and the Dream Machine is waiting to pick you up. Get excited—say goodbye to your known things. You're about to leave the Ordinary World, and step into your new Reality.
05
The Flight
Perhaps you've felt isolated ever since your Discovery Retreat. That was a time of so much merriment, when you were surrounded by friends and a thriving community. Well, you are officially headed back now to that magical place. As you sail via sea and soar through the sky over the Great Prolific Ocean, Atlantis, China, Africa, Antarctica, marvelling at what you see, your hearat beating in anticipation and ecstasy, know that you are heading to the right place—the world and life you've always dreamed.

(STEP)TEMBER (Part 1)
Welcome to the World of Your Dreams
Stage of Life: First School Days
01
Welcome to Me!
Upon landing in Me, you present your ticket to the gatekeepers, who will lead you through the entrance into the grand plaza. There, you meet your tour guide, who will take you through an orientation of the park. Split up to explore on your own. Come back together for the Opening Day Parade, and march into the Colosseum for the Opening Keynote Speech from your mysterious Creator. Get sorted into your houses, settle into your treehouse, and sleep deeply for tomorrow.
03
Icebreakers
There's a magnificent bonding experience that happens when you first launch into icebreakers. No...not those kind. I'm talking about a real celebrity cruise aboard an "Ice Breaker," those old coal ships that can cut through the thickest of ice. Enjoy an immersive experience aboard our very own Icebreaker, the EpitoMe, as you solve your own bonding murder mystery, and cross the river with an opening spring to the wharf of Me.
02
Your Homeroom Advisor
This is a key point in your journey. This is a place you will continue to return to. It's time to meet your central cohort who will be continuing with you throughout your time at Me. Plant a time capsule, see what luck may befall you as you pick a Happle™ from the orchard tree,
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The Superstore
Upon landing, you'll enter the Superstore, which over the course of your time at Me, will be filled with your own creations. You'll receive your very own ImagiDexx (continually unlocked in your Year here) and ID cards, allowing you free right-of-way. You'll hear of your mysterious benefactor. And you'll open the door to something quite amazing.
The Wheel of Life
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Welcome to the Academy
Your every experience has been me-ticulously planned. From the moment you receive your first storyteller's guide in the email, to lift-off, to landing, to every single day of your incredible trip, each and every one of you is treated to the incredible VIP experience—your MEVP—helping you to unleash your epic self. As you progress through the year, your courses will be unlocked, suited to the timeline of the experience of you growing up.


School of Identity, Marketing, Business, Economics & Entrepreneurship (SIMBEE)
Discover How to Make Big Bucks, Simply by Being "Me"
01
Meet Your Teacher
Meet Belinda Buzzbee, the head marketing maven at Me. She is the husband of Mr. Buzzbee, the head honcho of every Big Business you've ever heard of. She has a soft spot for new students, wears her hair in a beehive—and isn't afraid to give a bit of a sting with tough advice—mixed with the sweetness of honey, and a tang of royal jelly.
02
Begin Your First Class
You'll receive your syllabus. You'll learn about pies in the sky, laying the foundations for your pipe dreams, which run deep, learn what they do at Disney when they dream up their "blue sky." Starting with the widest scope, you’ll think outside the box, and start with the big ideas and themes, then hone down to structure and larger arcs. This isn't just useful for writing a book—it's useful for being able to pick out the key points of an article, a business whitepaper, and life.


School of Health, Nutrition,
and Culinary Arts (HNCA)
Master Chef? Check. Master Host? Check. Healthy & Happy? You bet!
01
Meet Your Teacher
Meet Chef Broq, chief Foodie and Director of Catering at Me. He was professionally trained in Paris, where his rise to the top was unparalleled. Upon leaving the school, he was hired, along with his sous chef to come work at Me. He can be a little stiff in the lip, but you know, everyone loves a little good Gordon Ramsay.
02
Begin Your First Class
Stepping into Cook's Kingdom, you'll feast your eyes on the great Food Pyramid. You'll learn about the various food groups and what is considered nutritional best practices for today. You'll progress through the various food groups in your time at Me, starting with fruits and vegetables...though a new kind of breakfast cereal could be prepared, with a little convincing.




School of Math & Magic (M&M)
You know how you always hated math? Or maybe you loved it, and it's brought you oodles of cash. Well, now's your chance to finally love it back...
01
Meet Your Teacher
Meet Miss Ten, head Mathemagician. You wouldn't believe where she came from—the streets of Tokyo, where in her daily walks, people considered a "lady of the night," discounting the far more beautiful knowledge inside her head. She's now ready to give back, and show you the magic of math—because, as they say, opposites attract.
02
Begin Your First Class
The Fractal Forest is your home base for learning the wonders of math. In order to progress to more advanced math—geometry, trig, calculus, statistics, even rocket science (all of which, believe it or not, you will be learning!) it's important to first get a firm base on the most basic of things—numbers—and finally have your claim your numbers make sense.



School of the Spirit (SS)
You know that feeling when your heart awakens, when you feel like you're part of something bigger? What do you call it? God? Science? Religion?
01
Meet Your Teacher(s)
Who do you believe? What do you believe in? Your teacher here is your own spirit. It's the God, gods or goddesses who have given you that spirit. It's the thing that guides your life. It's the prayer that gives your life purpose.
02
Begin Your First Class
Inside the Temple you are free to pursue your own track and path of inquiry. In the pews and scattered in the shelves, you will find the Bible, the Qu'ran, the Torah, and all the world's other heavenly scrolls. If you need some extra guidance, don't worry—Mr. O is the guardian here. And he's made a life's career of traveling between those diffrent worlds.



School of the Sciences (ScI)
Science—what a wonderful word! How many worlds it contains! There's chemistry, biology, geology, physics, the study of life—worlds within worlds! How many great adventures! And here they are, for you alone, for the whole world—for you ARE the world!
01
Meet Your Teacher
Who do you believe? What do you believe in? Your teacher here is your Professor Al. He comes from the Middle East, land of the backwards dreamers, or so many people think. He is world-renowned, so much so that he has to go by a pseudonym. For many years, he has been the world's leading researcher on the origins of life.
02
Begin Your First Class
To begin the study of Life, we must begin with the basics. These are the Fundamentals. And these are very specific things—the Strong Force, the Weak Force, Electromagnetism and Gravity. These are the very foundations of our universe here in Physics 101, governing everything, as far as you and I can see.



School of Art (SHART)
Art—the expression of one's soul! You can't spell heart without art. Nor can you spell Earth. Release your creative spirit into the world!
01
Meet Your Teacher
Your head art professor, Miss P, has made a life's work out of finding lost things and combining them into a found art. Classically trained, she honed her painting, illustration, textile-making skills and more into the art people claimed they craved, until realizing that what they actually desired was something more personal. This is the experience she gives you now.
02
Begin Your First Class
To begin the study of Life, we must begin with the basics. These are the Fundamentals of Art. This is the Color Wheel, Line, Perspective, Light and Shadow. Start with your Color Palette, arm yourself with a Paper and Pencil. You'll learn to sketch and study the emotions of colors, and let that wheel spin to unlock the new colors of your world.



School of Music
Music—the expression of one's soul! Find your Voice, Find Your Instrument. Unlock the Key to LIfe with the Song of Yours.
01
Meet Your Teacher
Mr. Koko has traveled far and wide, across the entire world, from Rome to Istanbul to Mexico City to Tokyo. When he was 6 years old, he appeared on the Bob Hope Show. He loves nothing more than helping every student find their voice and the song they were meant to sing. And just wait till you hear his high, fluty chuckle.
02
Begin Your First Class
Everyone has a song. Everyone has a special key—the Key of Me. In our first class, you'll get to dabble with instruments to see which best suits you. We'll launch out with the piano, which like reading comprehension or knowing how to use a computer, is the first step, is absolutely fundamental.

In Addition to these Core Classes, You Also Get Access to the Rest of the Schools
Strategically released throughout the year, so you can learn everything you've ever wanted, but not have it overwhelm you, we have every school you've ever imagined you could go to. Here is just a small sample:
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School of History
School of Language Arts
School of Technology
School of Fashion & Beauty
School of Justice
School of Architecture & Engineering
School of Life
STILL not convinced?
Keep reading
Back to School Night
Homecoming
This is the time when you can come together and invite your friends and family to see everything you've learned and done so far. We'll host a Back to School Night exclusively for you, where you can come and celebrate your first year at Me.
The Spectacle of Sport
One of the Schools that you've had the chance to participate in is the School of PE. Now it's time to show off your neat tricks as you pile into the Roaming Colosseum!
Welcome to Imagiball
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ImagiNation
Many, many years ago, someone came up with "The Great Game." This term has been jockeyed back and forth over the years, across many rabid and raucous fanbases, across many counties, states and nations, oceans and villages. It has been applied to various sports. But there has never been a sport that has so taken the general, global imagination.

It's quite simple.
Ever heard the phrase, "Just take the ball, and run with it"?
Here are the steps: It all begins with a simple ball. This is the Imagiball. Simply scrunch up a piece of paper, or use our professional ball. Throw it up, and watch the different colored balls come out. Pass it to each other, and with each ball launched there is a new wad of paper. First to the greatest story wins! You can like it or love it, and everyone is a participant. You can be the carrier (i.e. the sporty type) or simply sit in your seat and participate as a creative spirit.
And just like that, you've undertaken an incredible journey. From your first dream at the Discovery Retreat, to your Ordinary World and Call to Adventure, to Meeting your Mentor and your Friends and Allies in this Very Special World, your first month at Me—Steptember—is already over!
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Available Packages
Just like any trip, depending on how like you travel, you have a few options. Unlike a trip, however, you'll never have to fret about legroom. Or getting up to use the bathroom. Each tier comes with its own special benefits, and no matter which option you choose, rest assured that every choice you make is worth it. And just in case your heart's craving is greater than what you know you can reasonably afford, know this: this vacation is meant for everyone. Send an inquiry to the Bank of Me.™
MEVP
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Everything that has been described—the Complete MExperience, your Customized Storyteller's Guide, the Kick-Off Launch, your Book Success Journey™, the Closing Grand Shareapalooza, Early Entry to The Lifetime Journey
$3651
MEVP
The One-on-One Exclusive
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Everything in the MEVP Package
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Complete 1:1 Access: Unlimited Voxer Calls, Private Coaching, Surprise Treats, White-Glove Service, Industry Know-How and Behind-the-Scenes Back Seats
$13651
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The Complete Experience
365:1
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Everything in the MEVP Package
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Complete 1:1 Access: Unlimited Voxer Calls, Private Coaching, Surprise Treats, White-Glove Service, Industry Know-How and Behind-the-Scenes Back Seats
$13651
Bonuses
What YOU Get
The Complete & Customized Storyteller's Suite
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Premier Placement in the Library of Me™
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Priority Access to the AcadaMe™
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Your 100% Risk-Free Guarantee
Or, Why This Is Even a Bigger No-Brainer Than You Realize
Hint: It Has To Do With Achieving World Peace

Way better than any booking.
How great would it feel to know that there's no flight to miss...no plane to catch...no kid kicking at your headrest...everything at your fingertips, just to...relax......
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If at any point on your vacation, you get bitten by a crab, stung by a jellyfish, get poisoned by some questionable drinking water—or simply find that your private island isn't for you, we'll make it right.
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Even if that means giving you 100% your money back! :)

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